In The Face Of Abuse

In The Face Of Abuse : In the interest of mental health, I recently wrote an article about sibling abuse and how even family members may cause pain by forcing restriction and limitations upon another. Failing to remain respectful. Mental abuse is on the rise and this effects health. Relationships are more fragile than ever. There are those who band together trying to tear down others wanting to be strong, to make themselves feel better. It is a quest for power and strength. This is what we have also identified as ‘bullying’. When you are forced to bend to someone else’s will you cease to be sovereign. Their motivation is to change the way you think and act. To derail you and your aspirations in trying to live your own life the way you deem fit. Abuse is the antithesis of freedom. This article offers measures and tips which propose that you can live free of abuse. But you must know how.

Abuse includes an invasion of your privacy because whoever is abusing you intrude your life and disapprove you and does not appreciate you as you are. They are forcibly suggesting you must change. Quite often, they will pull the strings of your heart to hurt your feelings in trying to make you submit. They use other members of your family and friends and say things to make you believe that others are also dissatisfied with you. They would have you believe the majority is pointing a finger against you and that the issue is bigger than you think. Believing such rot would be a serious mistake. Allow me to share with you some things that work and remembering that abusive people are actually stewing in their own juices about some hot issue which is entirely imaginary and continually boiling in the cauldron of their mind.

Preserving your own mental health is more important today than ever before. Therefore, it is necessary that you learn to make hard and fast choices. I recently received a nasty phone call from a family member following their discovery of my previous article about being punished by others. The voice on the phone kept shouting at me and told me I was narcissistic and, “Everyone I talk to about it says you’re a cockroach! No wonder your own children hate you. No-one approves of you!” etc… and the rest which I chose not to listen to. As I tried asking questions to end the name calling and shaming exercise but was promptly told, “You shut up and listen. I’m talking here and you will listen!” Abusive individuals will demand that you do as they say from fear of losing control over you. I hung up the phone. This is one of my forms of defence.

Never before has this person shown an interest in what I write. So, during the conversation I managed to ask, “How did you find out about my article?” “That’s none of your business!” He yelled. Ironic, isn’t it? Immediately I became aware that he, or someone who reports to him, has been stalking me online and scrutinizing whatever I write in order to find something they can both get upset about. It justifies their abuse, but even though I never mentioned any names in my previous article, it had obviously put a bee in their bonnet. What is the intention behind those who scour the internet looking for things they can whinge and whine about? I found that writing has become an effective form of therapy for me and is likewise another form of defence.

Upon waking up in the morning, replace any negative thinking into thoughts of gratitude and aspirations for the day. Saying out aloud, “Today is a beautiful day!” will enrich you. You will find that this ‘positive attitude’ is vital to your mental health, like holding up garlic to a vampire. I found it to be life changing and supportive.

Here is another tip, if you find yourself getting angry take in a deep breath and hold for several seconds, then exhale slowly to release and tension that may be building up inside you. I use this defence a lot during the day and when I feel uncomfortable.

Abusive people become bullies and are invasive to your self-confidence. They are not aware of their hurtful intentions. Usually, they are individuals who lack a sense of personal worth in their own life. No-one else should be making you feel as if you are inadequate, or failing. It simply is not right! This is why you need to tonify your own personal value by understanding you have a right to be here. I find this form of defence not only effective but also comforting. Be more vigilant and stand guard at the gates of your mind, repelling anything which is hurled at you. People of a low self-worth will challenge you even more for this. They are mostly unaware of their shortcomings. Bottom feeding fish only feel comfortable with other bottom feeders. Writing down in a journal the good you have done in your life and listing some of your most valued skills is another form of defence. You being happy with You is a defence.

Unfortunately, there are those who find themselves entrapped within the walls of their own mind and constantly feeding their soul a sour diet of hate and misery. This creates a perfect environment for being abusive to others, and this is why they need to be reminded that their behaviour is unacceptable, and not the norm.

There is no benefit derived from enduring verbal abuse or being bullied in life. Many women suffer in silence when they do not need to. The moment someone tries to demean you, to blame and shame you (which is the most common initial form of mental abuse), quickly remind them that you will only agree to a calm and respectful conversation. If they continue with their contaminant ways, discontinue the conversation before it gets even worse. Disengage and walk away! This is actively a very good form of defence.

Mental abuse occurs when the frustrations of one person are forced upon another causing disharmony, hurt and doubt. Like sexual abuse, it is unacceptable. You have the right to refuse such assaults on your mind and body. Relationships must be respectful, or not at all, which is why I hung up the phone on my abuser. You may have your own forms of defence, but overcoming abuse and maintaining your mental health is paramount. I can only suggest that whatever you choose as a defence – that you diligently practice every day for it will help you regain your sovereignty. Wishing you all the very best, as you deserve no less.